As a medical professional I am charged with caring for and educating people on their health. Sometimes I view my weight as a hindrance, but sometimes I think people are more receptive because they can tell I know the struggle. I also know all the excuses.
As a physician I know that food=calories=fat. There is not arguing this equation. Sure individuals have different metabolisms (and we can hate them for it) but the truth is if you are overweight/obese you are eating more calories than you are burning. The concept is simple--reality might be more complicated.
So intellectually I can't say "I don't eat anything and still gain weight." But I still have people I blame.
My mom was very skinny when she married my dad. After kids and life she gained weight, quite a bit. Her metabolism changed, her eating habits worsened, and she gained weight. So growing up I had an overweight parent.
I noticed I was gaining weight during junior high. I remember talking to my mom about it. She told me it was normal before puberty and after puberty, it would all magically go away. Well, it didn't. I remember my orthopedic surgeon making a comment on my weight gain, which was brushed off. I remember my pediatrician talking to us, in depth, about healthy weight, weight loss, and recommending a nutritionist. And my mom didn't do anything. We didn't have the money for weeks and weeks of a nutritionist--although one or two meetings would not have been horrible. She continued to tell me nothing was wrong. I would come home for lunch during 6th grade. She made be an entire large tombstone pizza. When we went to McDonalds she would buy us a big mac value meal, supersized, with regular soda. Looking back I can't believe it.
I get very angry when I think back. She was told multiple times that something was wrong and she kept giving me ridiculous food. I don't take responsibility for that weight gain. You can't expect a 11 year old to make good food choices when her parent is giving her pizza and hamburgers. I don't know what she was thinking. Part of it, I'm sure, was tinged with love. She didn't want to me to feel bad about myself. She loved me no matter by size. I am still upset that she just ignored everything. She got to grow up skinny and beautiful. She is intelligent and has obtained a masters degree. She knew better or at least should have. Now she has totally redone her diet and lost a ton of weight, very quickly. She's back to a size 4. I think that makes me resent her even more. It was easy for her to loose all that weight.
For a long time I used that anger as an excuse and reason to avoid the issue. I am still upset that she lacked any insight into the problem. I can blame her for the early weight and not teaching me good eating habits. But everything that came after, as I became a more educated adult is my fault. Particularly in medical school and the first two years of residency I knew better. I became the one ignoring the issue and feeding my habit. I have learned I need to let go of that and take responsibility for myself. People may have contributed to my weight in the past, but right now, it's on me.
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